In today’s dynamic business landscape, building strong relationships is critical. But do we rely too heavily on our perceived ability to “read people” through body language and expressions?
Research discussed in a recent podcast I heard (details below) says yes: we tend to overestimate our perception of body language, expression, and gestures.
A study by William Ickes at the University of Texas at Arlington found that when we first meet someone, we accurately read their emotions only 20% of the time! Even with close colleagues, that figure climbs to just 35%.
Yet most people think they are “reading” the other well, which can have significant consequences, impacting communication, negotiations, and overall team performance.
In the podcast, they called this dangerous overconfidence “interpersonal arrogance.”
Instead of relying on our interpretations, author David Brooks proposes a powerful alternative: embrace curiosity as your key to understanding others. “We all have unique perspectives,” he says. “Humility and open-mindedness are crucial to truly see and be seen.”
So, how can we shift from “reading” to asking? Here are some practical tips:
- Ask open-ended questions that go beyond the surface (instead of “How are you?”, try “What’s your perspective on this challenge?” or “What are your thoughts on this project?”)
- Actively listen: Give your full attention, avoid distractions, and show genuine interest in their responses.
- Seek clarification: Don’t assume you understand everything. Ask follow-up questions to ensure you’re on the same page.
- Challenge your own assumptions: Be mindful of your biases and preconceived notions. Ask yourself, “Am I interpreting this correctly?”
If we took this perspective of asking, or being curious, as a way of knowing, what might be possible? Imagine the impact: more productive meetings, building stronger, more lasting client relationships, and having better supported and engaged teams?
What are your favorite questions to ask when building new (or deepening) professional relationships?
(Podcast: Next Question Podcast where Katie Couric and Kelly Corrigan spoke with David Brooks on his new book: How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen.)